Codependency

Codependency

The Beginning of Codependent Relationships

Codependency begins when an individual goes against their own beliefs, desires and opinions in a relationship to make someone else pleased, or lives believing they need an outside person or substance to be whole. It could be known as operating with a false self.

Most individuals, when they read this, will be prompt to say, "I never do that." The motive behind this is, as children, individuals are programmed to live through others expectations (codependency). Such things as putting them on a strict schedule and forcing them to eat foods they don't like instead of presenting choices essentially causes them to be codependent.

Pushing the sports or talents you desire a child to have either because you did not have them, or because you want your descendant to live the way you did, also generates codependency in personalities and behaviors. Individuals are so programmed by adulthood that they have adopted a false self (codependent) and do not realize it. Codependency has become real to them.

There is also a subconscious connection to becoming codependent. When a parent who has been mistreated or neglected in some way is reluctant to make the effort to overcome codependency in their own life, they convey the codependent personality and behaviors to their children.

It takes a lot of work to start codependency recovery and more work to see it through. As you do, you and those around you, including your children (if you have children) will be brought into more consciousness and overcome their false self without as much effort. Wholeness includes physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The four go together as part of your soul.

It Takes Two to Be Codependent

Codependent relationships begin when family members take on addiction or codependent family roles rather than communicate their feelings, wants or needs.

It should be quite easy to recognize when a person has adopted a family role, because they do not know how to convey anger in a healthy way. In some alcohol and drug users anger is expressed at the rest of the family by the addicted one. It can accelerate into domestic violence, leaving the family in a victim role. The rebel is more prone to let the anger out but it is in a negative way that identifies him as a troublemaker. They do this to distract from and enable the addicted one. These are all signs of codependency.

When people start to find help for codependency and overcome the codependent family roles, they realize how much of their life has been stolen, and it often leads to anger at the injustice of codependency. It can mean not having childhoods, missing planned events and not being allowed to talk since everything is 'secret'.

When this anger begins to surface it can be a positive sign of recovery, since family members are reclaiming their dignity and individuality, thereby breaking the codependency cycle. This is the road to becoming whole.

How to properly communicate your wants and needs.

Healthy Relationships vs. Codependent Relationships

The family system is an organism whose parts are interdependent, member's function as a system. Codependent symptoms and behaviors often go ignored, until a member makes an effort to get help for codependency symptoms, behaviors and relationships. There are rules that ultimately develop which members use to determine how they should act and feel.

A system is made up of the component parts that are connected together in a particular way to achieve a common purpose. The sum of these parts frequently creates either a healthy family or one with codependency.

Recovery Help:

Understanding patterns and predictable ways families have for dealing with major problems.

Healthy Family System (no codependency symptoms)

• Self worth is high.
• Communication is direct, clear, specific and honest and feelings are expressed.
• Rules are human, flexible and appropriate to change.
• It is natural to link and be open to society.
• Each person has goals and plans to get there, and should be supported by the family.

Symptoms of Codependency in Addicted or Codependent Families

• Dependent use of drug is the most important thing in a family life.
• The root of problems for the whole is denial, rather than addiction or use of a substance.
• Blaming others, making no mention of it, covering up, alibis, and loyalty to family, enables.
• Nobody may openly discuss problems with others.
• Nobody says what they feel or think.

How to Help a Codependent Loved One.

Learn facts about chemical dependency and codependency.
• Go to counseling or visit AA.
• Encourage your loved one to get involved in new activities.
• Refrain from preaching and lecturing.
• Never approach with a holier than thou attitude.
• Don't make threats.
• Expect total recovery to take time.
• Keep from over protecting your loved one from alcohol or drugs. The choice has to be theirs.
• Ensure honesty, stay away from being deceitful or going behind your loved ones back.
• Let your loved one find their way to overcoming the codependency.

Nurturing Communication Gives Help for Codependency Symptoms

• Communication is direct and honest. Family member both listen and talk.
• Self worth of each person should be recognized.
• Problems are faced. Family members work together to solve their problems.
• Feelings are accepted and encouraged, both negative and positive feelings.

Codependency in the Family, the Rules

• Don't express feelings.
• Be strong, good, right be perfect.
• Make us proud.
• Don't be selfish.
• Don't rock the boat.
• Don't talk, or trust.
• Resist outsiders in the house.
• Keep family secrets.
• No personal privacy.
• Resistant to change.

Symptoms of Codependency

• Repression.
• Care taking.
• Low self esteem.
• Obsession.
• Denial controlling.
• Little communication.
• Weak or no boundaries.
• Anger.
• Sexual problems.
• Lack of affection.

Codependency Treatment

If you or someone you know would like to talk with one of our trained staff to discuss treatment options for Codependency treatment please contact us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at our t oll free number: 1-800-849-5969. You will receive a free consultation.